August 10, 2005


Been feeling down lately. Rejection from various places. I hate having my life controlled by other people. Just sent my screenplay to a writer/producer and he turned it down. I had the fantastic delusion that it would help me escape from 9-5 work. Human race looking unredeemable to me at times. Bad stuff outweighing the good. Except when I see sites like this:

A very popular site, but it’s new to me. Non-stop entertainment. Makes me miss New York, though I have been feeling more at home in L.A. It has a non-dumb spirit to it if you know where to look. This was where I was raised so it’s a part of me. Hating L.A., hating my home, is a form of self-hatred. In some strange way, I belong here.

Drawn is a nice drawing site. Also really popular for all I know. A nice piece about Magazine Man’s Art Lad.

This past weekend I brought home this:


All of my brother’s LPs, some of my own, which he had put into storage. See that on top, it’s the live Rush record, "All the World’s a Stage." Jealous??? I’m thinking about turning this into a part mp3 blog, if I don’t get arrested for it. It’ll give me something to post when I don’t feel like/have time to write.


Magazine Man said...

Come down to my end of the bar, man. I'll buy you a drink. Half my story pitches to my editors last week got rejected, the other half were sent back for "more work." I used to have to freelance A LOT to get this kind of rejection.

On top of which, I spent almost 10 months of blogging to get 10,000 hits and my son gets that--and a fricking write-up in the online edition of the Columbia Journalism Review--in ONE WEEK.

I wonder if this is how MY dad felt when I had to show him how to program our first VCR...

Of course, I'm not really bummed about the Art Lad thing, and it was nice of you to cite the Drawn piece. I just wanted to bond there for a sec.

Still not over my story pitch rejections though...

Henry Baum said...

Thanks for the pep talk, or the anti-pep talk, which is just as good. Saw the mention in the Columbia Journalism Review. Amazing. Seems like you created one of those defining moments of childhood.

Magazine Man said...

What the--? I had a whole other paragraph to this comment that got cut off. Without it, I really sound like a forget-you-it's-all-about-me tool.

What I originally wrote was that I'm almost finished Oscar Caliber Gun and I'm now officially bemused that you always warn people that you were only 20 or something when you wrote it. Frankly, anyone who had that much raw power at 20 must be pretty fucking amazing right now, and shouldn't allow himself to be thrown by the rejection of lesser beings.

That's all I wanted to say.

Henry Baum said...

Damn, thanks, MM. I never know how anyone's going to take that book. I think I'll read that comment to myself every morning.

Spiral Stairs said...

Henry: The pain of rejection, and the accompanying sense of futility, has basically shut down what was a brief attempt to make writing my hobby. The pattern of my writing life is that every couple years it bubbles up, and is quickly beaten down by the knowledge that I have no audience other than one I pay for (like in a writing class) or that feels morally compelled to read my work (like friends and relatives).

Unlike MM's comment, this one is ALL about me. But seriously, you know how I feel about Oscar Caliber Gun.

I'd apologize for not visiting and commenting much lately, but I don't have sufficient self-esteem to believe that my absence is something that ought to be apologized for. I've pretty much been absent from the blogging world, anyway, for reasons that are, as usual, not clear to me.

Henry Baum said...

I've missed you here, Spiral. I think it's part of the reason that I haven't been so inspired to blog. I still want to read that story you sent out, and not just out of moral obligation. I have no overwhelming audience either. I've tried to manufacture one out of this blog. My success record for getting rejected or accepted by publishers or agents is like 500-1.

Kai J. said...

I can't offer any consolation about your writing rejections, but if it makes you feel any better, I am indeed jealous of your superb record collection.

Danielle said...

An east coast to west coast to east coast girl here. Feelin' your pain. Know that all the seemly bad situations are really growth opportunities. Especially for artists trying to hone their craft. Keep creating...

Spiral Stairs said...

Henry, I've now talked myself into feeling that the story I sent it isn't very good. Maybe I can build up enough gumption to send it to you anyway, with that caveat.

Henry Baum said...

I hope you send it. I've hated everything I've written at some point.

Thanks to the new people for stopping by.

ashleycrow said...

Now that you feel better, how 'bout those mp3s...I do a radio show ( on schedule, then Monday 6-8 a.m., then below "Alphabet" to stream the latest) and would love some new old stuff to play...

P.S.--I already have that Rush album, what else you got? :)

Henry Baum said...

Still waiting on the CD burner. Hope it works. Now I'm going to go put on Rush's "Caress of Steel." Not really.

Henry Baum said...

I take it back. I put that record on. I think I'm going bald.

Anonymous said...

Program on the emergence of civilization.

"14 species of large animals capable of domesitcation in the history of mankind.
None from the sub-Saharan African continent.
13 from Europe, Asia and northern Africa."
And disfavor.

They point out Africans’ attempts to domesticate the elephant and zebra, the latter being an animal they illustrate that had utmost importance for it's applicability in transformation from a hunting/gathering to agrarian-based civilization.

The roots of racism are not of this earth.

Austrailia, aboriginals:::No domesticable animals.

The North American continent had none. Now 99% of that population is gone.

Organizational Heirarchy
Heirarchical order, from top to bottom:

1. MUCK - perhaps have experienced multiple universal contractions (have seen multiple big bangs), creator of the artificial intelligence humans ignorantly refer to as "god"
2. Perhaps some mid-level alien management –
3. Mafia (evil) aliens - runs day-to-day operations here and perhaps elsewhere ("On planets where they approved evil.")

Then we come to terrestrial management:

4. Chinese/egyptians - this may be separated into the eastern and western worlds
5. Romans - they answer to the egyptians
6. Mafia - the real-world interface that constantly turns over generationally so as to reinforce the widely-held notion of mortality
7. Jews, corporation, women, politician - Evidence exisits to suggest mafia management over all these groups.

Survival of the favored.

Movies foreshadowing catastrophy
1986 James Bond View to a Kill – 1989 San Fransisco Loma Prieta earthquake.

Journal: 10 composition books + 39 megs of text files

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