May 16, 2006

Snow White Tan

There’s a reason that I haven’t been writing too much about my life. We’ve reached a dead end here socially, absolutely tired of not meeting anyone here. As I’ve mentioned, my wife and I are deeply anti-social people, both writers, both made uncomfortable by many other parents. On Mother’s Day we went to a park--North of Sunset--where she listened to a set of parents boast about how many Audis they have. There’s a familiar look in their children’s eyes, a look of entitlement. I remember the look well from growing up around kids of the super-rich. Makes me feel bullied by a 3-year-old.

Olivia walked up to a group of girls, around five years old. One of the girls stood up and ran away, screaming, "I’m not allowed to talk to strangers! I’m not allowed to talk to strangers!" to a sweet 3-year-old. This is what happens when neurotic people have children. Parenting necessarily makes you both boring and neurotic, but some people embrace it more than others.

So we’re judgmental. We are just constantly alienated. And let it hit us too hard, instead of just laughing it off and moving on. We also both have had a tendency to make ourselves unconscious--not so much with drugs or drink, for the most part, just repression. Do our jobs, take care of our daughter, read a lot, write some, and don’t think about some of the emptiness. That, or we rail about how people suck so we can trade loneliness for self-righteousness, a way to gain power over people who make us feel low. We’ve been coming out of that bad dream recently, which is difficult, but more like being alive.

Had a fairly packed weekend. Went to my brother’s graduation for a social work degree at USC. That night, got a babysitter and went to the reading for Prisoner of X. Very tired by that point so I felt something like a social leper. I always feel like there’s more I should be doing socially, charming people, making friends. Saw an old friend that I knew back when I lived in Mpls. in a house full of slackers, which turns out was one of the more vibrant times of my life. Next day, there was a graduation party at my parents. I had some nice conversations, didn’t feel so much like I had leprosy.

My new plan is to start a rock band. It’s a good way to get me out of the house, meet some people. So I’m adding this to my Myspace page and trying to get the word out: If you live in L.A. and you’re interested in playing these songs and others, contact me. I also play drums so there’s that too. I don’t really want to play bass.

Let me know if you wanna start a rock band.


Empty Drum said...

Would you be willing to relocate to Northeastern PA?

Henry Baum said...

Wish I could. I realize this is a pretty depressing entry to ask to start a rock band. My life sucks, wanna play? Whatever, I’m going to keep it there. I read one writer/blogger who said s/he would never get personal on a blog. I don’t know. If you're unwilling to get personal in your blog, you might not be able to be honest in your own writing. Though I always feel weird after these naked posts.

Voix said...

Sounds like the vacuum of Southern California has been trying to suck out your soul. That is the thing that I always hated about California. So many people never drop the facade.

I think a rock band is a brilliant idea. Go have some fun!

Susan Abraham said...

Hi Henry,
I believe that this one life is yours. You can make it as introverted or as extroverted as you like. You can dare your own degree of motivation. To do with or withoout. Besides eccentricity or predictability. Its solely your call and who's to say...
I've enjoyed reading what you've had to say. I think your blog sounds refreshing because of your honesty & also, good luck with the rock band!

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