May 12, 2005

Baum

wizard

I am not related to L. Frank Baum. I wish I could say I am but I’m not. I am related to Friedrich Gustav Jacob Henle, discoverer of the Henle’s Loops which are in everybody’s kidneys. I’m also related to Artemas Ward who commanded the troops at Bunker Hill and was a Congressman. I think this entitles me to enlistment in the Illuminati. He comes from my Dad’s mom’s gentile side of the family. He has nothing to do with the 19th century satirist of the same name who used it as a pen name and I guess took it from General Artemas Ward--a kind of satirical character who my grandfather said weighed 400 pounds and had to be carried into battle. If he was so heavy, how did they carry him? I don’t know, but my grandfather likes to tell this story over and over again. I’m also related to a man who was on the team at GE who invented Silly Putty. Finally, I’m related to a guy who didn’t trust banks so he kept his life savings in the closet, thousands of dollars. One night, he was robbed of everything. It made the Newark, NJ papers.

4 comments:

darling maggot said...

i'm stoned, henry. i'm stoned, and i'm bored. please blog about the first time you sold sex for money.

holy shit, is that really minnie driver in a band on tv? she sucks.

Anonymous said...

The ash tree is a distant cousin of the olive tree.

Henry Baum said...

My daughter's name is Olivia. That must mean something.

DM, I'll blog about selling sex for money soon. Not yet. Only you might know what I'm talking about.

I want to hear about other people's strange distant relatives...

Empty Drum said...

Some cousin or something back in the 50's was a junkie who stabbed his girlfriend to death. I've seen the newspaper clipping and everything. Strange and distant...

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