May 13, 2005

Ugly Town

My novel got rejected by Ugly Town. Somebody tell me a joke.


Empty Drum said...

Why didn't the dead midget get out of bed?

Because he was a little stiff.

Henry Baum said...

Thank you, Drum. I laughed at that. More and more please. I also recommend spamming Ugly Town’s blog with comments until they publish me.

RuKsaK said...

Q: What do you call an Italian with a rubber toe?
A: Roberto.

Empty Drum said...

haha good one, R.

Let's see...what other jokes are there?....

Anonymous said...

Little Red Riding Hood is walking through the forest to Grandma's house. Suddenly a big bad wolf appears.
"Hello, Litlle Red Riding Hood," says the wolf. He stands up on his hind legs so that he towers above her menacingly. "Take off your clothes," he commands, "I am going to fuck you."
Litle Red pulls out a 44 Magnum. "Oh no you're not," she says. "You're going to eat me like the book says."

Oh yeah

Empty Drum said...

LLOL (Literally Laughing Out Loud)!

Empty Drum said...

Guy walks into a bar. Breaks his nose. It was a bar made out of steel, not a place where alcoholic beverages are served.

A dry martini walks into a juice bar. The bartender says "Sorry, but we don't serve alcoholic beverages." Martini goes outside, lights himself on fire, throws himself through the window of the juice bar. Everyone dies.

Heather said...

q: Why do ducks have flat feet?

a: To stamp out forest fires.

q: Why do elephants have flat feet?

a: To stamp out burning ducks.

Empty Drum said...

Fantastic, Heather -- never heard those before. Thanks!

Joseph K said...

A guy is talking to God.

He asks God, "What's a million years to you?"

God says, "A second."

The guys says, "Well, then, what is a billion dollars to you?"

God says, "A penny."

The guys says,"Ok. So, can I have a penny?"

God says, "Sure. In a second."

Henry Baum said...

I feel much better.

Kempernorton said...

You need to imitate everything. Trust me.

Anonymous said...

Q: If fathers have Father's Day, and mothers have Mother's Day, what do single guys have?

A: Palm Sunday.

- Germaine

darling maggot said...

sorry, this was long coming, but it was a nightmarish week followed by a too-good-to-pass-up weekend.

chinese guy, indian guy and an irish guy go to a construction site to look for work. they speak to the foreman, who tells them he's off to a lunch meeting but if he comes back in an hour and sees that they're any good, he'll hire them.

'o'malley, you're in charge of the digging', he says to the irish guy. 'vikram, you're in charge of clearing the dirt away. and lee, you're in charge of the supplies'. and he leaves.

an hour later, he returns, and finds absolutely nothing's been done. he's furious. he goes to o'malley. 'what the hell have you been doing for the past hour'? o'malley says, 'speak to lee, i couldn't find him to get my supplies'. he goes to raj, 'raj, you've done shit'! raj says, 'speak to lee, he didn't give me the supplies'.

the foreman's pissed and walks around the site. 'where the fuck are you, lee!'

just as he rounds a corner, lee jumps out from behind a pile of junk and screams


yes? no? i considered audioblogging this. i tried, and couldn't bring myself to.

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