July 20, 2005

Narcissist

There’s an interesting final post by Mad Max Perkins on his blog Book Angst. He says his narcissism was getting in the way of his honesty on the blog and his productivity. He was checking his Google ranking obsessively. I can relate because I still check my site meter like a psychopath. I use this place to vault myself up. It’s just fun to see what search terms brought people here. Another hit is very soothing to my bruisable ego, even if I basically get the same amount of hits every day. There’s got to be an antidote for it. Maybe if I wasn’t stuck in front of a computer all day, I’d get over the illness. But there’s no antidote for that on the horizon either. As a writer who hasn’t been as successful as he hoped, actually seeing the readers come by is dangerously fulfilling. Ambition can make you unhappy, like drugs.

By the way, is this thing on? Haven’t been getting a lot of comments lately. My insane narcissism needs an audience. If I was smart, I’d get rid of the Sitemeter and turn off the comments, or maybe quit blogging entirely. Actually, it’s been kind of liberating thinking that my only audience is my reflection.

5 comments:

Empty Drum said...

W/R/T the dearth of comments: Blogspot.com eats my comments about 1/2 of the time...
The narcissism thing is indeed a trap. There are so many blogs now that are just forums for self-congratulation and groupthink -- you have mostly avoided these problems by taking breaks and being unafraid to turn the BS detector on yourself. BUT Once you start worrying about whether or not your work is up to Politically Correct standards, you are in real danger artistically. I liked that Cherry story a lot, btw. It was very focused and believable. Once nice thing about focusing on human loathsomeness is that you never have to exaggerate for effect....Go on AIM

Henry Baum said...

Thanks, ED. I needed that.

Spiral Stairs said...

Henry, as for my failure to comment these days, I really can't explain it except that it requires a great deal of motivation for me to read even my own damned blog (to which I've been contributing rarely, as you've seen). I'm in a blogging -- and writing -- downturn that hasn't ebbed. The couple posts I've done at BF recently have been extracted from me only with great effort. I guess it just comes and goes.

Comments are kind of like the weather, I think. There are storms and droughts. BF has gone through periods of virtually no commenting. It's in a mid-range phase now. (Which, for Ash Tree, would be a very low phase.)

Martha O'Connor said...

Hi Henry,
I check in with you about 2-3 times a week. I'm still reading! Take care, M

Henry Baum said...

Thanks, Martha. That's great to know.

Spiral, I guilted you into commenting. My plan has worked.

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