Narcissist

There’s an interesting final post by Mad Max Perkins on his blog Book Angst. He says his narcissism was getting in the way of his honesty on the blog and his productivity. He was checking his Google ranking obsessively. I can relate because I still check my site meter like a psychopath. I use this place to vault myself up. It’s just fun to see what search terms brought people here. Another hit is very soothing to my bruisable ego, even if I basically get the same amount of hits every day. There’s got to be an antidote for it. Maybe if I wasn’t stuck in front of a computer all day, I’d get over the illness. But there’s no antidote for that on the horizon either. As a writer who hasn’t been as successful as he hoped, actually seeing the readers come by is dangerously fulfilling. Ambition can make you unhappy, like drugs.

By the way, is this thing on? Haven’t been getting a lot of comments lately. My insane narcissism needs an audience. If I was smart, I’d get rid of the Sitemeter and turn off the comments, or maybe quit blogging entirely. Actually, it’s been kind of liberating thinking that my only audience is my reflection.