January 10, 2005

Homophobia

I must be a homophobe. As if racial controversy weren’t enough, here comes something else. James from Hot Blog and Relish asked me to put a banner on my site for Love and Protect Life Week with two men sharing a condom. My first reaction was to not want to do it. One, it’s not my style to advertise my support of certain things by wearing ribbons, putting bumper stickers on my car and the like. It feels somewhat related to wearing a brand name like Tommy Hilfiger or Gap emblazoned across your chest--thinking you can be represented by a slogan like "I’m pro-choice and I vote." There’s that great moment from the "Crumb" documentary where R. Crumb is walking around San Francisco and says, "People have become walking advertisements." For some reason, that’s stayed with me most from that movie.

I also was struck with a feeling that homosexuality might creep me out a little bit, somewhere deep that I still can’t avoid. I get uncomfortable when I see two men kissing out in public. But then I thought, I also get uncomfortable when I see a man and a woman kissing in public. It depends how they’re kissing--if it seems like they’re showing off, I get annoyed. Maybe gay men and women are more defensive and self-conscious so it seems like they are parading themselves a bit more. More likely, they are living their lives normally and this has everything to do with my perception. Maybe it’s because gay men tend to find me attractive--I’ve got a boyish thing and look younger than I should--and I’ve been hit on in uncomfortable ways in the past. But then, there’s just as many gay men who find me unattractive and like very masculine men. I have wondered that it must be difficult to maintain a relationship with two men. It’s hard enough maintaining a relationship with one man in a relationship, but men are more aggressive on the whole and two men must lead to some pretty hard fights…

Then I thought I was responding to the anti-gay zeitgeist in America. I have nothing against homosexuality whatsoever. They should get married and have all the rights of anybody else. I remember Dennis Kucinich being asked in a debate, "Should gay people be allowed to marry?" And he answered, quickly, "Of course," with a look of disdain, as if it were obvious--as it should be for every politician. We’re living in the dark ages where gay rights are concerned. Still, it is hard to not feel some pull from the collective will of an entire country. Something that has built up over my 32 years. I have not had many gay friends in my life. But that’s not saying much: I have not had that many friends. More often, I have had omnisexual friends.

Sounds like I’m trying to drum up controversy here, but James sent me an email just as the racial discussion was going on in the "Jung Country" post. This might seem like a lot of bullshit build-up, but no one’s going to argue that I don’t overthink things. Of course, AIDS is a worthy cause and I shouldn’t have hesitated. Happy Love and Protect Life Week :

12 comments:

Joseph K said...

Why are they both white? Only white gays have responsible sex? That's racial, man.

In any event, very thoughful post. Your thoughts, feelings and evolution track mine about homosexuality (not your experiences, though, I am more likely to be hit by a stray asteroid than a gay man).

Anonymous said...

you cheap bastard. you're cheating some shrink out of an hour's fee to ply your baggage on us.

thanks for your candor. love these type posts.

joseph k - hilarious. kick him when he's down.

peace.

Anonymous said...

Very nice post. I have to ask, though, "omnisexual?" Meaning animal, vegetable, and mineral? :)

chess h

Henry Baum said...

Thanks for the comments. I wasn’t sure how people would take this post. What I meant by omnisexual is that they didn’t even identify with being bi-sexual. They just liked fucking around. I wouldn’t be surprised if some vegetables were involved.

And Joseph K, I hope you don’t get hit by any gay men.

Spiral Stairs said...

I wouldn't feel too bad about your discomfort. What makes you different from others is not the fact that you have it, but that you are willing to talk publicly about it.

I have almost unimaginably evil thoughts sometimes. Really, evil. I'm only now getting to the point where I'll share them even with my wife. Usually, the only one who gets to hear them is my bedroom wall, when I punch it in a screaming fit of anger and frustration.

Kidding. It's really the living room wall.

Henry Baum said...

SS, I really don't like the little abbreviation LOL, but man that made me LOL.

I also don't like :) all that much. Sometimes it's necessary because people can't always tell if you're kidding when you write something online. Sarcasm is lost if the person reading it has no sense of humor.

This is a real problem on the Daily Kos. I saw the diary you wrote about the "Kerry, our 44th President" book and someone actually took you seriously. ;0}

Henry Baum said...

Oops, looks like you're supposed to space those. Shows how much I know.

; )
: 0
: (
8 = >

Shit, I should be working.

Spiral Stairs said...

Heh heh. I refuse to use "emoticons" or "LOL", which does occasionally cause trouble. I couldn't believe someone took that diary seriously.

Please, let me get back to work too.

Actually, I'm doing a three-way multitask among (1) work; (2) bloggery; and (3) trying to keep up with all the announcements Apple is making today at Macworld San Francisco. They've introduced the "Mac Mini" and "iWork" so far. I'm enough of a geek to largely shut down my life during the keynote address, when these announcements are made.

Anonymous said...

Looks like you managed to offend absolutely no one. Given the subject, I'd guess that means that you're a good liar, or maybe even a good writer. . . ?

Good post.

Anonymous said...

Gays make me feel uncomfortable, too, when they are making out in front of me, but like you, so do stright couples. When I masturbate, though, I love to think of gays fucking each others asses and lesbians licking each others clits like hungry dogs. Diff'rent strokes for diff'rent folks. Damn I'm horny. mmmm

Henry Baum said...

That's gotta be Sabrina.

Sabrina_C said...

well it isn't me. i am glad to be getting all the publicity, but i am not afraid to look like an asshole tard-fucker.

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