Homophobia

I must be a homophobe. As if racial controversy weren’t enough, here comes something else. James from Hot Blog and Relish asked me to put a banner on my site for Love and Protect Life Week with two men sharing a condom. My first reaction was to not want to do it. One, it’s not my style to advertise my support of certain things by wearing ribbons, putting bumper stickers on my car and the like. It feels somewhat related to wearing a brand name like Tommy Hilfiger or Gap emblazoned across your chest--thinking you can be represented by a slogan like "I’m pro-choice and I vote." There’s that great moment from the "Crumb" documentary where R. Crumb is walking around San Francisco and says, "People have become walking advertisements." For some reason, that’s stayed with me most from that movie.

I also was struck with a feeling that homosexuality might creep me out a little bit, somewhere deep that I still can’t avoid. I get uncomfortable when I see two men kissing out in public. But then I thought, I also get uncomfortable when I see a man and a woman kissing in public. It depends how they’re kissing--if it seems like they’re showing off, I get annoyed. Maybe gay men and women are more defensive and self-conscious so it seems like they are parading themselves a bit more. More likely, they are living their lives normally and this has everything to do with my perception. Maybe it’s because gay men tend to find me attractive--I’ve got a boyish thing and look younger than I should--and I’ve been hit on in uncomfortable ways in the past. But then, there’s just as many gay men who find me unattractive and like very masculine men. I have wondered that it must be difficult to maintain a relationship with two men. It’s hard enough maintaining a relationship with one man in a relationship, but men are more aggressive on the whole and two men must lead to some pretty hard fights…

Then I thought I was responding to the anti-gay zeitgeist in America. I have nothing against homosexuality whatsoever. They should get married and have all the rights of anybody else. I remember Dennis Kucinich being asked in a debate, "Should gay people be allowed to marry?" And he answered, quickly, "Of course," with a look of disdain, as if it were obvious--as it should be for every politician. We’re living in the dark ages where gay rights are concerned. Still, it is hard to not feel some pull from the collective will of an entire country. Something that has built up over my 32 years. I have not had many gay friends in my life. But that’s not saying much: I have not had that many friends. More often, I have had omnisexual friends.

Sounds like I’m trying to drum up controversy here, but James sent me an email just as the racial discussion was going on in the "Jung Country" post. This might seem like a lot of bullshit build-up, but no one’s going to argue that I don’t overthink things. Of course, AIDS is a worthy cause and I shouldn’t have hesitated. Happy Love and Protect Life Week :