Hustler

Proof that I’m a professional sex writer. A while back, I wrote an article for Hustler Magazine about people with long-hair fetishes. The piece began like this:

These days the word "bush" conjures up images of our President-in-thief who has trouble pronouncing words such as government. (It has an "n" in it, Mr. President.) Well, here’s yet another word that junior doesn’t know: HIRSUTE.

The editor made me take that out. Too many Hustler readers were Bush supporters and they were complaining about Bush-bashing. My finest hour--"Tuft Love: Fur Freaks Favor Fuzzy Females"--in the Christmas issue. They completely rewrote the article to make it fit in with the rest of the magazine, so the article was full of writing like "glistening hot box," which I would never put to paper. The article was placed right next to a really racist comic and it kind of soured me on it.

My wife and I, then girlfriend, took a trip to Ohio to cover the Miss Bald America pageant in Cincinnati. Women got their heads shaved on stage. The audience voted. We came as representatives of Hustler and they thought we were hot shit. We took a lot of pictures, but my editor got fired and nothing came of it. I should find those pictures and post them.