April 20, 2005

Ash Tree

Why do I get dozens of hits every day for "Ash Tree"? Those are just the people who bothered to click on my link. Hundreds, maybe thousands, of people are searching for the ash tree every day. It’s a weirdly big world we live in. People search for "Picture of an ash tree," "Ash tree disease," "Ash tree borer," and others. I don’t even want to write these words out because it’ll bring in more people who are going to be sorely disappointed. I should have named this site "Pulitzer prize."

I’ve also gotten many hits for "Tortilla Curtain." I stopped reading it after part one. The Mexican immigrant gets raped, predictably, at the end of the section and I thought I’ve had enough. One disaster after another. My wife has a pet peeve about movies where every thing goes wrong for the characters. Usually this is happens in bad comedies, oftentimes criminals who screw everything up. It’s an amusing pet peeve and I might have adopted it. Tortilla Curtain’s a drama, mostly, but every last thing goes wrong. She finally makes some money, then loses it…

I need to start catering my blog posts using keywords that will bring in people who might actually like my writing--mixed in with some sex searches which really brings them in. Here I go.

Indie rock charles bukowski
Jim Thompson The Killer Inside Me
Fiction pornographer
The Vanity Plate Killer
Philip K. Dick Exegesis
Taxi Driver Travis Bickle Iris
UFO porn
Apocalypse Novel
lo-fi recording
handjob!
minimalist prose hard-on
Celebrity stalker novel, best
tragic undiscovered genius history
self-important writer
publishing can go to hell

It’s a new kind of poetry. Please help me out. The comments are indexed by Google as well.

14 comments:

Empty Drum said...

underage nfl iraq viagra
warez paris hilton pope lolita photoshop


For my efforts, I feel entitled to plug my site here too!

Emptydrum empty drum navin johnson steve brent steven brent music creative commons

Henry Baum said...

It's him! What's him doing here? Thank you for christening the site with Navin Johnson.

Here's another one: the new pope scares me.

Spiral Stairs said...

Now I know you are trying to attract people who would like what they find here, but that's too hard. Heavy artillery for your efforts to conquer Google is easier: Britney Spears nip slip.

The other way to get hits from Google is to fill your site with predictable misspellings. So, for instance, while many sites may offer "Britney Spears nip slip," fewer offer: Brittny Spears nip slip. Or Britney Speers nip slip. The misguided idiot who types those in will now find you.

I just guaranteed you at least two hits, buddy boy.

Empty Drum said...

NITNEY BLEARS BRIP SPIP
SPITNEY SNEARS PRIS BLIP

RuKsaK said...

Your hits from searches are obviously more successful than mine. I've disappointed people looking for the following:
demestos (Google) 1

looking for all types scraps in dammam (Yahoo) 1

ruksak (Google) 1

russian arse (AltaVista) 1

still hammering man (Yahoo) 1

summery of from reverence to rape (Google) 1

talks about anal bleaching (Google) 1

"bum sniffing" (Yahoo) 1

"soda syphon" "hand grenade" (Google) 1

+"anal bleaching" +before +after (Google) 1

clagged cunt pics (Google)

Henry Baum said...

I welcome all dyslexic anal bleaching celebrity nipple fetishists.

Magazine Man said...

A surprising number of people found their way to my site by plugging in the search term "measure my shlong," which so far as I know was never a topic of any of my blog entries. And yet, there it is. I now feel compelled to write about this subject (not that I've ever done it, no...)

"Camel dung" was another one.

Anyway, you're welcome to both, as well as the crowd-pleasing "old fuckers." Hope they help.

Empty Drum said...

COLD IRIDESCENT CLITORAL VENOM
ENVELOPS LANGUID ANTELOPES
AND SMUG LITTLE NIGHTINGALES IN THEIR TRANSUCENT PINAFORES HUNT WINOS FOR SPORT


CHE AP V1AGR A

Empty Drum said...

Anyhow,you ought to be grateful for any hits you get -- the only hits I get at the Empty Drum are from here, and those are just me checking to see if links like the one above are working.

I am a failure as a man, as an artist, and as a linkspammer.

Henry Baum said...

You should submit empty drum to indiepages.com. I wrote to them and they put me on the bands list, even though the band is me alone with a bunch of instruments.

Note: I could have emailed this to you but it looks more impressive to have 10 comments.

Spiral Stairs said...

You know what's even more impressive?

11 comments.

Magazine Man said...

Or even 12.

TonyGuitar said...

Wish my blog looked more like yours. Everything's so just right here.
I imagine you get hits on Ashtree because one thought it may give a thumnail of what this site is all about.

My site bendgovt.blog.ca is only only likely to attract those 17 Canadians who, unlike the rest of us, may actually write a letter to Ottawa demanding some small measure of accountability.
Site is new, so the shocking lack of visits is a cold dose of reality. However, Yahoo lists a full page of posts...made my day. Maybe sombody will drop by now.
For some reason Google can't see it yet. They don't even see my first blog [ gall eh? two blogs and don't know item 1 about blogging yet] That's BendGovernment.blogspot.com, on their own 'Blogger' server.
Time sure flies when I pour through a site like yours. 73s TonyGuitar

TonyGuitar said...

Here is a good one. Attracts the creative types. 'Make Big Money in your basement...Color Laser Printer Required.' TG

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