Inside World

So yesterday I wrote a post that will go down in the annals of depressive history. I was feeling lonely and unloved, but it turns out that some people were having trouble making comments. It was a good thing because it told me that I may be becoming too attached to this place and I need to take a step back. This isn’t about posting music, it’s about everything. I have to get back into my own head. I’m going to stop posting at the same pace.

I am going to take Spiral Stairs lead and put my efforts back into my fiction for a while. A lot of my energy goes into writing blog entries and wondering if people are reading them. Too much time goes into the wondering. I check my referrals like a madman. I need to conserve that energy. I spend so much time on my paying job--so much of my will--that not much is left for writing, not to mention taking care of my girl.

I learned some of this from the Richard Yates book. He was so much the real thing, and it’s made me rethink my devotion to writing. It’s actually made me doubt myself, but an instructive kind of doubt. I feel like I’ve yet to write something that is a pure, enduring expression of myself. Something I can give to people and say, This is me. I've got to get back to it. This resolve might last all of two days. If I get some good fiction writing done, I may feel justified to write a blog entry or two.